I had an epiphany not long ago. I was made aware that Heaven and Hell are the deeds we actively choose in this life, when we are old and mature enough to make wise choices, and it is these deeds that we die with written on our hearts and souls. In other words, when we draw our last breath and our heart beats for the very last time, what we have done and not done is what we take with us when we finally go. Imagine that, if you will. What do you want going through your head at the end?
It seems to me that Heaven is a little bit like falling into a deep sleep full of life’s thoughts, promises and wishful thinking. The only thing is, because we are about to die, we won’t ever wake up again. Upon our death, we will drift from room to room inside our minds, and relive over and over the good and bad, just like in our dreams. It’s up to you to decide if your eternal sleep is full of blissful dreams, or your worst nightmares. Remember this: nothing and nobody will wake you up ever again…..so choose wisely.
This epiphany is for everyone. It is not just spiritual or for the faithful, it is for everyone who’s time will eventually come. Death is inevitable for EVERYONE. What do you want your’s to be?
First and foremost, I have respect for all animals. This includes a healthy respect for the Pit Bull. An animal’s behavior is influenced by variable factors, i.e inherent traits, environment, training….etc. Today I read an article detailing an attack on an 8-year old girl by the family pet–a Pit Bull. Here’s the link:
http://news.msn.com/us/girl-8-critically-injured-by-pit-bull-in-del
For those of you who staunchly defend Pit Bulls, remember this: These dogs are a result of breeding a mix of the Terrier and Mastiff bloodlines. The Mastiff breed’s inherent trait is to guard. The Terrier’s inherent trait is to kill small prey like rodents, rabbits, foxes, etc. The end result is a dog that is designed to guard and kill. The instinct to kill becomes virtually uncontrollable once the animal gets in a fight and gets it’s first taste of blood. The only place these kinds of dogs are appropriate are car lots and junkyards that need to be guarded by intruders that actively go looking for something bad to happen. Having one around living things like children and neighbors is like playing Russian Roulette.
Take the Border Collie, Cattle Dog or Australia Shepherd as another example of inherent traits of an animal. These dogs were bred to herd livestock. Having had a herder for the last twenty-five years, I understand that my dog is always, always, always going to try to herd ducks, geese, chickens, children, and even cars. The instinct to herd is always, always, always going to be in my dog and no matter how much I try to discourage my her from nipping at heels and posting up when she sees ANYTHING move, the herding instinct simply cannot be trained out of her. Again, herding is what she has been bred for. The same goes for Pit Bulls and fighting to the DEATH. Unfortunately the Pit’s maw delivers a far more devastating bite than the nip of a herder or any other dog other than…..guess what…… a Mastiff, Rottweiler, German Shepherd, Doberman, etc. There is a reason why these dogs are so dangerous and a breed restriction. They were designed to fight to the DEATH. This means if the family Pit Bull get’s it in it’s head that your child is a threat, you will NOT be able to stop it from trying to KILL your child or anyone else that get’s in the way. I simply cannot say enough how dangerous it is to put a kid and Pit Bull together.
Go ahead and keep deluding yourself that the family Pit Bull is harmless. I am sure you will think differently when it’s your child that is killed or maimed. I can tell you that my brother’s Pits were sweet, beautiful animals that were never used for anything other than to run behind his MotoX bikes and roam the 100 acre property…..yet, I NEVER, EVER left my kid alone with his dogs. I’m sure this family never thought the dog would turn on their little girl. I’m sure other families who’s Pit killed or maimed their children wouldn’t have believed it either. So sad……
As a parent, naturally I have hopes and wishes for my child. I hope my child is happy, and never has go through painful experiences. My wish for my child is to choose a career that satisfies him, to find a loving help-mate in order to build a healthy, happy family someday. I think most parents would agree with this sentiment.
Unfortunately, there are people –parents to be more specific– that do not understand the concept of personal boundaries. Personal boundaries are the invisible lines drawn between people that tell us where we end…..and others begin. Every human being has innate, personal boundaries that are as individual as fingerprints- both physical and mental. Every person on this planet is born with the inherent right to live their own lives, have their own dreams, and follow a path that speaks to their very soul.
Mostly, personal boundary lines get blurred or obliterated early in life by parents who think that their children’s lives “belong” to them. As if their children’s lives are their “property” because they gave birth. These parents think that just because they gave birth they have the right to invade the privacy of, and control the thoughts and feelings of their offspring, even when their offspring are grown adults.
I have a younger female friend that was abandoned by her mother at a very young age. I took her under my wing when she was nine years old. I was the “mother” that gave her the talk about boys, taught her how to apply make-up, how to behave with class and dignity, tried to be a positive and loving role model in absence of her biological mother. This girl’s dream was to be a fashion model, so, I supported her dream because, hey– I too wanted a cover of Cosmopolitan when I was her age and understood how she felt. I took her to try out for local fashion shows, taught her how to hold her head so that the camera wasn’t “looking” up her nose, showed her how to gracefully walk the runway without looking like a horse stomping her way through a St. Patrick’s Day parade.
Unfortunately, this young girl’s dream was derailed due to random circumstances. Location….lack of focus….self-destructive tendencies, to name a few. In a nutshell? She had a father that “hated people,” “hated kids,” and was one of the worst misogynists I have ever come across. He verbalized these sentiments constantly and it came as no surprise that the poor girl ended up cork-screwing her car, high speed, into a huge oak tree after drinking, underage, in a local bar. She ultimately suffered a crippling spinal cord injury and became disabled before she was even legal to drink. In a word, she didn’t like the way her parents had made her feel, so she changed the way she felt by getting high.
Fast forward several years later. My friend is now grown and has a family of her own. I get a family photo Christmas card every year and hear from her every now and then via email. Her husband owns a successful business and treats her very well. She also has an adorable little girl who, for all intents and purposes, seems very happy from what I see in pictures. She likes school and gets good grades, shows wonderful artistic talent. The little girl also does some catalogue modeling for a local children’s clothing retailer. Hmmmmm……I wonder where THAT came from?
I can’t help but wonder if the little girl actually likes the modeling or if she does it because it was her mother’s dream, and, like most children has a built-in need for parental approval. I wonder if the little girl would rather be an electrician and follow in her father’s footsteps. I wonder if the little girl loves to draw and paint, or wishes she knew how to play a musical instrument. I wonder, wonder, wonder who’s dream she is going to be fulfilling. At such a young age it really is hard to tell……unless you actually ask the child and actively listen.
In general, all kids are eager to please their caregivers and are designed by nature to tell the truth…..unless you make them afraid. Things that make anybody afraid are being hit, slapped, humiliated, shamed and invalidated. A little girl likes to play with Lincoln logs, make mud pies and catch lizards. But, mommy is making her wear dresses and mini-me high heels, enrolling her in dance lessons instead of 4-H. Okay….whatever! Don’t be surprised if your daughter has a breakdown later in life when she realizes that her her life thus far was spent living a lie, living someone else’s dream. When she looks back on old photos of herself when she was a child and has no recognition or connection to the image? That’s because she was pretending to be someone else just to make her parents happy. Can you say Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes or Identity Crisis?
All of this makes me think back to my own wishes and dreams. Now that my life is half over, I feel angry and robbed of a life more suited to my talents and emotional needs. I probably could have been a fashion designer because I LOVED to draw pretty ladies in fancy ball gowns when I was my friend’s daughter’s age. I probably could have excelled in the medical field because I can spell Systemic Lupus Erythematosus AND know exactly what it means (NO spell check there BTW). I would have made a great lawyer because I am driven by fairness and equality and human rights, and, as my mother always told me I love to “argue.” I would make an awesome shrink because I actually have insight into what makes people do the things they do, or think the way they think. Because of my first-hand experiences with domestic violence I know exactly what IS acceptable behavior and what IS NOT acceptable behavior with regards to interpersonal relationships.
In conclusion I ask that every parent remember you ALREADY HAD your shot at living YOUR dream. As a parent you do NOT have any right whatsoever to live vicariously through your children. The world can change for the better if we only remember one concept: Have respect for ALL personal boundaries. Understand where YOU end…….and OTHERS begin.
Dear Jenay
As a domestic abuse survivor, I can empathize with your situation. I spent almost twenty years of my life –the prime of my life– involved with two different men who abused me. I can never get those years back, and neither will you, if you continue to place blame everywhere else but onto the person who violated and abused you.
In trying to understand how and why I was a target for abuse, I came to understand my part in these two unfortunate relationships. I came to the conclusion that the ONLY thing I had done wrong was to keep taking these men back after the endless apologies and the empty promises to “never do it again.” I can promise you that they WILL do it again, because YOU will tolerate it. Your reasons for tolerating abuse are personal, as were mine. Perhaps it was what you experienced growing up. If that is the case, then I hope you consider this if and when you have your own children. Please consider what you will be modeling for your daughter, and what your husband is going to model for your sons. Do you want this same dynamic for your children? This is what got me out, finally. This IS the road you and your children will travel down if you continue your relationship with an abusive partner.
As for placing blame on the media, well, you agreed to having your private life held up to scrutiny when you became involved with a professional sports figure. Your private life is called public domain when you are the wife or partner of a sports celebrity. Think about what you are saying to every young boy and girl by not only standing up for your abuser, but by rewarding him with a marriage contract. If it’s the money? Well, honey, I can tell you that there is no amount of money worth chronic pain, PTSD, migraines, and cognitive deficits that interfere with every day functioning. That’s what you can look forward to being the enabler of a violent human being with no respect for the other half of the human race. These are the scars that come with the territory of allowing a man to knock your block off.
My plea to you is to think about your position in this whole scenario, and know that you have the whole world watching you. You have the power to take back not only YOUR power, but power for millions of battered persons throughout the world. You have the opportunity to make a real difference. What you do with this unique opportunity is up to you. Good luck and many blessings…….
The Easter Ham Story goes like this:
As a little girl watches her mom prepare the Easter ham, she wonders why her mother cuts off both ends of the ham before putting it in the pot. So, she asks why, and her mom realizes that she doesn’t know. That’s the way her own mother prepared the Easter ham. So, they call grandmother and pose the question about cutting off the ends of the Easter ham. Grandmother admits to not knowing either. She just prepared the ham the way her mom did it.
Their next call is to great-grandmother. When they ask her about her method of preparing the Easter ham, she laughs. Then she says, “It was the only way I could get the Easter ham to fit the small pot that I had!”
I get really tired of explaining to others that just because our parents did something, doesn’t make it sensible and right. Parents who use corporal punishment or abuse their partners always use the excuse that this was how they were raised, and so on back through the generations. Listen up folks…..PARENTS MAKE MISTAKES!
The link that I am posting is going to be extremely disturbing. It is an extreme form of corporal punishment, but, for those of you who think that striking a child is okay just because your own mother/father did it to you, think again. Perhaps when the child herself is a parent, he/she will remember that mommy spanked too. Watch the clip over, and over, and over if you have any doubts that your behavior as a parent is going to have an influence on the next generation of violent individuals.
Any questions?
geminirose 